Life is too short
It’s not often that I come to my blog incensed and with a desire to put the world to rights. But on occasion I am moved to do so. Jane’s book was the subject of an opinion piece that tried to pigeon hole the ladies of this precious corner of blogland that I like to call home.
A piece of writing that suggests that those of who enjoy the domestic arts as Jane has termed them are somehow shamed into doing so by the pressure of today’s society. I can’t speak for everyone but I can speak for myself when I say that I have never felt that way. Quite the opposite in fact. I sought out this community and it awes and inspires me everyday. No one in my family or circle of friends knits or crafts. In fact by doing these things I am a non-conformist and an oddity. Pointedly strange and estranged at times because of it.
I enjoy the satisfaction of sleeping under my crocheted blanket or pulling on a pair of socks I’ve knitted. I love hearing G’s exclamation that wearing a scarf I’ve knitted feels like being continually wrapped in a hug from me. I relish the fact that when my Brother comes round for tea he requests home baked goodies and puts his order in for his Winter hat as early as August
You don’t have to be a hausfrau with acres of time and pots of cash to be a part of this world or to create with your own two hands. I certainly don’t have either. Would I like to never have to work again and not worry about money? Of course I would! But that isn’t an aspiration that is limited to the crafting/domestic minded person. It’s one shared by many women. Many of whom would never dream of picking up a knitting needle and aspire only to shop and be ladies that lunch. And if that is what will make them happy then good for them.
I chose not to pursue a high powered career that I once thought I wanted. I chose not to because this way of life is better for me emotionally and mentally. G and I chose for him to become a teacher knowing that it would never make us rich because it is a job that makes him happy and because it is what is best for us and hopefully one day for our family.
I would never presume to articulate that all women who do pursue a career or high profile job are embittered feminists so why should I be tarred with a brush that states that I am a wannabe slave to a media driven concept of domestic perfection? Surely we as women have a better sense of self than that?
Just because I aspire to a way of life where all I eat is organic and homemade, where everything I wear is ethical and pure and a house that is spotless and still cozy does not mean that my actual life is thus. An oft discussed topic in blogland is how true to life your postings are. I’ll say it now and proudly that mine is edited and at times heavily. My house, rented because I can’t afford to buy, is more often than not a tip. My knickers are probably on the bedroom floor as we speak and I haven’t dusted my tat collection since I can’t remember when. Saturday night I had takeaway pizza and last night I enjoyed a "chocolate mousse" that probably owed more to a laboratory than the cocoa bean. No one wants to see pictures of last night’s dinner dish still sitting on the coffee table or hear about the heated conversation G and I had on Thursday about whose turn it was to pay for the supermarket shop. I read people’s blogs and "gastro porn" and "domestic porn" to escape from all that. So I assume that the few readers I have here don’t really want to read about that sort of thing either.
I enjoy reading blogs like Jane’s because I want to learn and be inspired. I enjoy icing my sunken dry fairy cakes and making disastrous lemon curd not because Jane, Nigella and their like have told me to do so, or because I feel I have to in order to be a good person, but because I enjoy it. The day I stop enjoying it or feel beholden to do it will be the day I give my knitting needles to the nearest charity shop and chuck my fairy cake tin in the bin. Why are women so quick to turn on one another? Why can’t we be who want to be without tearing each other down? I’m not a feminist and don’t pretend to be or to truly understand it but surely the principle of it was that women should be able and allowed to do whatever they want. Be that a judge, a lawyer, a doctor, an author or a house wife. Why does the guise of feminism and sisterhood allow us to spew vitriol and attempt to belittle each other? Surely we’ve all grown up a bit since the school playground.
Does wanting to quilt whilst eschewing the hoovering make me a bad person? Does doing something I enjoy over things I feel I have to or should do mean I am shackled to the cooker? If I stick a ready meal in the microwave rather than cooking a "proper meal" so that I can finish making a present mean I am slavishly following an ideal? I don’t think it does. It makes me normal, well as normal as blogland gets anyway I think. As far as I am concerned life is too short to dust because I would rather be icing a fairy cake or knitting a sock.
Here Here! …and some of us “high-powered career women” like dabbling in the domestic arts too….mild mannered knitter on evenings and weekends, professional chartered accountant from 9 till 5!!!
Here here, I knit/cook/grow veg etc etc, like you, because I enjoy it.. and long may it continue for us all.
Bravo! Well said. We women are each other’s harshest critics. Live and let live.
So true. I do it because I love it. I’m a total blogging novice and didn’t even know about her book, what great PR for her! It sounds like heaven to me!
So beautifully said! I too do all the stuff you mentioned because I want to and I get great pleasure from it. Why would I do it if I didn’t!!? I enjoy reading Jane’s blog also because I find it informative and entertaining. I showed my blog to my BFF yesterday and she is totally hooked. She may not create a blog but she will be checking out my links. She is the lest likely to be called a domestic goddess or anything close – she is the ultimate career girl but she loved all the blogs!!!
Oh Gemma, that article made me SO mad!!! I’ve never heard of Jane or her blog, and I think I’ll both be reading it and her book now. I can think of a lot of women that have hobbies that I think are a little crazy, but I don’t sit around and blast them on the internet. And for an ARTICLE. Surely that’s slightly unprofessional, self-biased writing.
Off to make some quince jelly. :)
Gemma….wow. Well said. There are whole slabs of that post I could have written myself, word for word.
Can i confess to giggling to myself when I thought of the take away containers I’ve got sitting on my bench at home (I’m at work)? I thought, oh good, I’m not the only one.
Great piece. Thanks.
Oh I am so with you on this! I agree with everything you’ve said – except about you not being a feminist – I think you are, you know – what you have described (choice, respecting all people no matter their choices etc) – that sounds like feminism to me (or at least, my version of it!)
Thanks for expressing this so well!
Good post Gemma. Oh my, that woman sounds very bitter doesn’t she?
It’s such a shame that women can’t choose to be a housewife without being put down and sneered at for their choice.
I’m under a certain amount of pressure to go out and get a job, but this is the job I want to do and I’m fairly good at. Ok, it means that we can’t afford holidays, buy a new car and we have to juggle money around some months, but the fact that I’m at home all day means that my family get decent meals, yummy treats like cupcakes and homemade biscuits, there’s someone to nurse them when they’re sick, and there’s someone here for deliveries, amongst many other things.
I’m really looking forward to getting Janes book, in fact, I’ve told hubby that he can get it for me as an anniversary present!
I like a bit of domestic porn!
Thats my girl, well said darling !!! It’s all about choice. Pleased to see you still have a way with words, just be true to yourself.
Why can’t we be what we want to be? Why do some women have to say that their way is right and ours is, of necessity, wrong? I don’t know but it is ever thus. I daresay if you look in the Bible you’ll find a heavy dose of ‘this is good that is bad’ going on…. but I run with Jesus, who basically gave Mary the right to do what she had chosen (To sit and listen, to be herself) and told Martha to chill. They (capital letter intended) want to tell Us what to do, but They can do what They want and just leave Us to do what we want. I thought the real basis of equality was to place equal weight on both masculine and feminine, not to create a testosterone charged Uber-race. Until women learn to accept the domestic arts as arts, we will always be sneered at and derided. Shucks, aren’t they missing out?
I’m making another comment on that article with this link, Gem: http://getcrafty.com/blogs.php?user=jean&entry=598 Thought that you might like to read it, if you haven’t already, Cheers, S
Very well written my friend Gemma!
I could not agree with you more.
I think the domestic arts are some of the great cornerstones of society. After all, we study ancient ones in History and Anthropology classes to understand previous cultures and eras.
-Katie
I agree with you, Gemma and may I also add that my knickers are still on our bathroom floor where they were kicked off this morning!
I too read Janes blog and wrote about it on my blog. I am not as elequent a writer as you but if I was I would have written it just like you did. All women need to have each others backs, wether carring a briefcase or baking pans.
I thought that what women wanted all along was the chance to live their lives as they saw fit. Choice. What works for me wouldn’t necessarily work for you. I, too, chose a career that will never make me rich but can be rewarding. In my parents’ eyes I am not successful because of this. In my children’s eyes, I shine and you know what? I am ok with that. Would I like more money? You bet. Am I happy? Very. I didn’t know about Jane’s blog until today but I enjoyed it and will continue to enjoy it. Yay for crafters and homemakers and working women everywhere!
So well said Gemma! Brilliant post. I felt so angry when I read that review of the book but so very pleased to see how many people had commented on it in Jane’s defence. I think the writer of the review must be a rather sad woman. I can’t wait to get the book.
i am adjusting to the life of being at home after working all hours for the last 20 years, and let me tell you it has been a struggle.
i thought i would have a pristine home as i would have nothing else to do…
hah – how wrong was i!
i too have last nights dishes still in the sink (it is now 1.30pm) and a pile of washing is sitting on my bathroom floor.
but i am loving this life 90% of the time, and what i love most????
having the time to share the lives with so many other wonderful and inspiring woman through their blogs.
i think the reviewer of Jane’s book is a little green with envy.
off to order my copy!!
tracy x
Well put, Gemma. I think women should be free to choose whatever they wish to do, without having to justify it. The world would be a boring place if we all subscribed to ‘the norm’, and who decides what is ‘the norm’ anyway? Everyone makes their life choices for a reason, and everyone’s reasons are different. That’s the way of the world.
Cathy X
I couldn’t agree with you more! I’ve found it hard to put into words just how I feel about what I do and you’ve done it perfectly for me. I have given up trying to “justify” why I don’t go out to work to other women and no longer feel the need to. My life is full, busy,chaotic, relatively short on the financial front, but it is the life I have chosen to live. So thank you for writing this
Kimx
Fantastic post…said with real passion and a lot of us reading can relate to it 100%
once again…FANTASTIC POST…
Suzie Sews
I was pointed out to go visiting your little world and read your last post by Nonnie. I am so glad i did! I can so relate, i could cry of joy!!You describe just how i feel and how i live really, you have described it perfectly for me. To be a successful person is not necessarily beeing rich of money or having everything perfect around you 24/7, for me success means that you are satisfied with the choices you make, that your work makes you happy and that you have been able to create a safe and happy home for you and your family.
That`s success!
Hear hear. I wish I had been able to express what I felt so eloquently – but I’m glad you did it for me!
That Telegraph review was infuriating. I went and purchased Jane’s book from Amazon immediately!
Nice blog you have here, and a great post!
gosh I was sooo mad when I read that! I have written a swetly stinging response – stupid woman! I suppose we should feel sorry for her as she clearly lives a very unfulfilling existence! I am also going to treat myself to jane’s book! Let’s make it a best seller!!! Although she would probably think it was being bought by loads of men for their down trodded women for Christmas. OOHHH!! still really really mad!! I have a job and a business (2 infact) and a brain and opinions and everything BUT! I still make jam! I still delight in putting delicious, thoughful food infront of my husband most nights, not because I am some sort of crazy woman but because I LOVE HIM and I see it as one of the best forms of expression of my love. Gosh!! still hopping mad!!
Love S xx
Thanks for this post.
“I enjoy reading blogs like Jane’s because I want to learn and be inspired.”
Yes, that’s why I read your blog.
Totally brilliant! I enjoy yours and Jane’s blogs and others as they inspire and make me feel less of a freak in these material times.
HI, WELL DONE I TOTALLY AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU WROTE, IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE A MAN IN THIS CORNER OF BLOGLAND, ALL IVE DONE TODAY IS GO TO A BOOTFAIR, BUY SOME FLORAL PYREX, UNPICKED A SPOTTY PRIMARK SKIRT TO PUT IN A PATCHWORK QUILT 50P!..SEE BLOG RE QUILT…MY WIFE IS ON HER LAPTOP DOWNSTAIRES BLOGGING ( HAPPYLOVESROSIE )..IVE JUST EATEN 12 BISCUITS, WATCHED FLOG IT, AND PUT JACKET POTATOES IN THE OVEN TO HAVE WITH CHOPS AND CHILLI SAUSAGES..PERFECT DAY!
Nicely put Gem,
I feel just the same, I couldn’t beleive it when I read that pile of rubbish. I bet she’s never even made a cupcake.
I’ll be coming back to read your blog again and again.
Now I’m off to make something lol
Catherine
Thank You, Thank You!
Gemma ~ You have put it all so perfectly…in a way I never could, but so close to how I feel, and by the looks of it many, many others.
Thanks again,
Kali
Hi Gemma
I haven’t read that review yet – but will in a mo – I just wanted to say I totally agree with you; you said it perfectly!
Clare x
PS. Glad I’m not the only one with sunken cakes!!!
Well said!
Well said Gemma. You have a great following.
I have added Janes book to my Amazon wishlist and will buy it once this postal strike is off !
Carol X X
I read that piece too. I was not only impressed by the way Jane posted about it on her blog but also impressed by the way that the ‘journalist’ made us all look so blooming wonderful!!!
I jest, but I did feel that her piece on Jane was out of date and lack any real thought. Any one of us can be a critic, it’s not hard!
You rock!
Cherry x
i had to borrow your last phrase and use it in my post. Choosing a quality life and putting our own standards, why is this that bad fro the over achievers?
Hurrah! Well said! Why can’t we just accept that we’re all different and what rings one person’s bell will not necessarily ring anothers? For too long people (mainly women) it has to be said have looked at me with a slight look of sympathy and worry when I tell them I’m a stay-at-home mum! It’s as if I’m going to bore them rigid with my childfrens’ exploits and recipes for home made bread. Actually, I couldn’t care less what other people think, I’m happy and therefore my family are happy.
Julia x
ps. Aren’t cakes supposed to be sunken in the middle??
Growl! I just read the newspaper article.
Where would we be without art, music crafts–autopians! (I don’t know what that means but it sounds like how I should describe people who don’t veer off a set path)
Barbara
Very nicely said!
I’m in CA, USA and posted something about the Telegraph article as well. It’s been very interesting to see how many woman have responded to the topic through blog entries and comments. It’s wonderful that the author of the article has been the narrowest, least thoughtful voice to date.
I love you.
beautifully said. i too am seen as an oddity and ‘offbeat’ in my circle…i love all things home…i can’t wait to get my hands on this book…and this awesome little blogging community has given me wings of inspiration and comfort when i have often felt like the odd man out :)
your post is just lovely and i could not agree more…. wholeheartedly.
hugs to you,
shelbi
Here’s a feminist for you:
I support my family (husband included) with my knitting business.
Bravo to the domestic arts!
I love generallygemma.co.uk , bookmarked for future reference
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